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| Graphical Flow for Chinese Funerals in Singapore |
The performance of funeral rituals can also be seen as an extension of Chinese social ethics. For example, xiao or filial piety is often the reason given by the Chinese for the performance of funeral rituals. This role of xiao can be seen in the idea being present in practically all aspects of ancestral rituals, serving as a constant reminder to the descendants.
The Chinese believe that all parts of the entire cosmos belong to one organic whole. Harmony and order must be maintained at all times, in one individual’s psyche, in every aspect of social life, and in the entire cosmos. Everything that exists, including man, has a correct place in the order of things. A death represents a disruption of this balance and order is re-established through the performance of death rituals.
There are many variations in Chinese death rituals, both in the ritual performance and interpretation of the meanings of the rituals. There are several reasons for this confusion. First, the Chinese in Singapore came originally from different regions in China, and more specifically, from different dialect groups. There are obvious dialect variations in ritual performance.
Second, funeral rituals for the Chinese are part of a folk religion, an oral tradition without a fixed set of dogma, doctrines, or a powerful priesthood. It is a syncretic religious system, drawing from many religious traditions, including Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, and traditional indigenous beliefs.
However, despite the many variations and diverse interpretations, there is an underlying logic to Chinese funeral rituals. There is a set of standardized, prescribed set of ritual behaviors. Although there may be some flexibility, the variations fall within an overarching framework of “correct” rituals.
In Singapore, these may be classified into six main categories, namely
1. the gathering of the family unit;
2. wearing of mourning garments;
3. performance of rituals to help the deceased into the after life
4. holding of the funeral wake;
5. burial or cremation;
6. installation of the deceased as an ancestor.
Gatherings of the Family
When a Chinese man is near death, all the family members – children, grandchildren and sons and daughters-in-law – are summoned and they gather around the bedside to await his death. It is considered an unfilial act not to be at the deathbed of one’s parent. People travel long distances, and sons who are overseas are required to make the trip home. At the moment of death, the family members burst out into loud wailing and crying. The living room is cleared of all furniture and household items. A white banner is placed over the door of the home to signify that a death has occurred in the family.
Friends and relatives are then notified of the death. This is done by word of mouth. It is also common in Singapore to place an obituary notice in the newspaper to inform friends about the death. Because longevity is highly valued, it is a Chinese traditional practice to add three or five years to the deceased’s age.
The death of a parent provides for the integration of the family and the perpetuation of the continuum of descent. Most funeral rituals are performed by the family as a group. This strengthens the bonds of the kin group.
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| Mourning Pins (Xiao) |
Family members of the deceased put on special garments as a sign of mourning. For the traditional Chinese, there are five grades of mourning. Garments in different colors of white, black, blue and green are used to denote the relationship of the mourners to the deceased.
For example, sons and daughters are first order mourners. They wear white shirts and trousers made of cotton. In Singapore, there is a general reduction in the differentiation of mourning grades. It is more common to use white or black as symbol of mourning.
Mourning pins or xiao are worn from the first day of the funeral. These are small pieces of cloth, about 3.5 cm by 2 cm and are pinned on the shirt sleeves. If the deceased is a male the pin is worn on the left side; if the deceased is a female the pin in worn on the right sleeve. The grades of xiao generally correspond with the order of the mourning garments. In traditional China, these are worn for up to three years. In Singapore, they are generally worn for 49 or 100 days. During the mourning period, red, yellow and brown clothes are not worn.
The traditional Chinese believe that the soul of the deceased must make his way to “Western Heaven” after death. Many rituals are conducted by family members to assist the deceased on this journey. Although there are some variations along regional lines, as well as differences in degree of elaborateness, certain standardized rituals are always performed.
1) Ritualized Washing and Clothing of the Deceased
Traditionally, water for washing the dead must be obtained from the river and purchased from the gods. Nowadays, it is more common for tap water to be used. The sons of the deceased perform this ritual, symbolically wiping the body of the deceased three times. This ritual is important because, according to Chinese beliefs, “a person with an unclean body will be despised and punished in Hell.” After the washing, the deceased is dressed.
2) The Coffining
After washing and dressing the deceased, the ru lian or “entering the wood” ritual is performed. Some personal articles of the deceased are also placed inside the coffin, in the belief that the deceased will continue to use them in the after life.
3) Presentation of Food Sacrifices
Food offerings are presented to the deceased. Although there are varying degrees of elaborateness, the basic items are rice, some meat dishes, incense and joss money. The other items offered are optional. The offering of food and joss-paper signifies the continuing interdependence between the living descendants and the dead relative.
4) Final Night Rituals
On the final night of the wake, religious specialists (Buddhist monks / nuns or Taoist priests/ priestesses) are engaged to conduct the funerary rites. The prayers serve the important function of leading the soul of the deceased through the netherworld and to assist the deceased in his transformation from a ghost into an ancestor.
In the evenings, friends will pay their respects to the family of the deceased. On arrival, the more traditional Chinese will light a single joss-stick and perform a ritual bai (bow) to the deceased. It is also acceptable to bow three times without the joss-sticks. One or more representatives of the deceased’s family will stand or kneel by the side of the altar to acknowledge the paying of respects with a bow to the visitor. In turn, the visitor also gives a slight bow to the “hosts” before leaving the altar.
Traditionally, the deceased’s family is expected to keep all-night vigils during the wake. To help the family members stay awake, it has become a practice for friends to gamble at the wake. It should be pointed out, however, that such a practice not only detracts from the solemnity of the occasion but is also liable to be abused by unscrupulous people looking for gambling opportunities.
It is also a practice for relatives and friends to express their condolences by sending wreaths or making cash contributions to help the bereaved family. Cash contributions are presented in white envelopes, thus giving rise to their reference as bai jin (white gold). A sensible practice that is becoming more widespread is for families of the deceased to indicate their preference for relatives and friends to make donations to charity instead of sending wreaths as a mark of remembrance.
Being a funerary ritual, visitors are expected to dress in sombre colours. Visitors are given red threads or red packets containing a coin to ensure a safe journey home. They are supposed to leave quietly, without saying goodbye to the deceased’s family.
At the end of the final overnight vigil, the family prepares for the burial or cremation of the deceased. Early in the morning of the funeral, preparations are made for moving the deceased to the graveyard or crematorium.
Family members and visitors pay their last respects to the deceased. Six volunteers or Pall Bearers from the Funeral Services then carry the coffin and place it in the hearse. The figure of a lion or a crane on top of the hearse indicates that the deceased is a man or woman respectively.
The funeral procession is normally headed by a band of musicians. The music is meant to frighten away malicious spirits lurking around the funeral site.
The cortege forms behind the hearse, with sons and daughters in the first row, followed by other family members. In traditional Chinese society, family members will accompany the deceased in this manner all the way to the graveyard. In Singapore, the procession will walk for a short distance as a final gesture of farewell and then board vehicles to proceed to the graveyard.
On arrival at the graveyard, the coffin is lowered into the ground. Two lighted candles, a pair of joss-sticks, and a simple offering are placed before the deceased. Family members and friends pay their final respects. The grave plot is then sealed by professional gravediggers. The eldest son carries the joss-urn and the second son or eldest grandson carries the photo of the deceased. These will be placed on the family ancestral altar at home.
In recent years, the land shortage in Singapore has resulted in the popularity of cremation as an alternative form of internment. Except for the process of burning instead of burying, the rituals are similar. On arrival at the crematorium, the coffin is set on trestles before the altar. After the monks have performed the last rituals, the coffin is pushed into an enclosed burner. On the following day, the family members return to the crematorium to collect the bones. The bones are spread on a tray, and using chopsticks, family members place the remains in an urn. The urn is then sealed and placed in a columbarium.
Regular rituals, including the offering of food and joss-sticks, are carried out before the ancestral tablet. These rituals serve for family members to remember the ancestor and for filial children to show their respect and fond remembrance of the dead.
Chinese funerals traditionally involve a set of complex rituals which may not be practical or relevant in present day Singapore. In the context of an urban Singapore, where 80% of the population live in HDB estates, we suggest that funeral rites be simplified. Thus unnecessary wastage can be reduced and the sorrow of the bereaved family can be alleviated.
Historically Chinese funerals were viewed as public demonstrations of filial piety. We believe that it is more important to show love and respect for one’s parents when they are alive. Their deaths should evoke a sense of personal loss and funeral rituals should be conducted in a dignified manner befitting the solemn occasion.
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| Quick Reference for Bereavement Family |
Funerals can put a great deal of pressure on Chinese families to impress those who are attending. The traditional belief is that the more elaborate and expensive the funeral, the more honor that is given to the deceased and to the family. In the same way, those attending a Chinese funeral are expected to make a donation to the family as a sign of respect and to help defray the cost of the funeral. This etiquette is practiced by Chinese communities around the world including Singapore.
DONATION BOX
Those attending a Chinese funeral are expected to give money to the grieving family directly, or by placing the money — or a white envelope containing the money — into a donation box. A donation box is often present in the home where the wake is being held. If no donation box is present, then the donation can be given directly to the grieving family.
Money can be given directly by hand to a member of the grieving family a day before or during the funeral. In this case, custom dictates that the money should be given in a white envelope. On other occasions, such as Chinese New Year, money is given in a red envelope — red is a happy color in Chinese culture, and white is for mourning. It is acceptable to leave the envelope blank, or to write from whom and for whom the money is on the outside.
AMOUNT
The amount given depends on the income level of the family and their guests. The amount is expected to increase depending on how close the guest is to the deceased or to the family. There is no limit on the amount that can be given, and it is expected that the family receiving the money will repay the same amount when one of those who has attended holds a funeral.
ETIQUETTE FOR GIVING AND RECEIVING
If not placed in a donation box, envelopes should be handed to one of the family members responsible for holding the funeral. When taken, the family member will say “you xin” (有心) in Mandarin or “you sum” in Cantonese, “Thank you” — “xie xie” in Mandarin or “do jeh” in Cantonese — is not seen as an appropriate phrase to be used in an event related to death.
They do everything. From funeral pre-planning to will writing and grief counselling, from supplies to professional embalming and make-up, from food and floral arrangements to post-funeral matters such as insurance and property. They even take care of sea burials and international repatriations. There are over 60 or so funeral directors in Singapore running an industry, which conservative estimates say run in excess of $100 million. And as Singapore ages fast, analysts believe that the industry is set to grow even further.
Funeral Service Providers have sought to revamp the industry image often associated with social stigma. While almost all funeral operators provide packages for Buddhist and Christian funerals, some also provide funeral arrangements for Freethinkers (Non-Religious), probably a sign of the changing times.
The funeral industry also has smaller but more traditional players. They refrain from over-the-top marketing campaigns; relying instead on word of mouth publicity and traditional good will for business.
So what are your options if and when you die in Singapore?
The National Environment Agency (NEA) is the country’s nodal agency for all matters relating to the funeral industry. After death, the body may either be buried in the Choa Chu Kang Cemetery complex – the only cemetery in Singapore still open for burials, or be cremated. The NEA introduced a New Burial System (NBS) in 2007 to replace the traditional earth burial plots with a concrete crypt sans a base and limit the burial period to 15 years. After the allotted 15 years, graves will be exhumed and the remains may either be cremated, put into a columbarium or re-buried.
There are three crematoria in Singapore, of which the Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex is managed by the government, while the other two at Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastary and Tse Toh Aum Temple are private-managed. After cremation, the ashes of the deceased may either be stored in three government-managed columbaria – at Mandai, Yishun and Choa Chu Kang, or in more than 50 private columbaria located across the Island. The family may also scatter a small amount of ashes at the designated site located about 1.5 nautical miles south of Pulau Semakau.
For those who really want to splurge even after death, can rest their ashes in the luxurious “6-star-grade” modern columbarium with full air-conditioning, Nirvana Memorial of which we are the working partner (Any booking through us will be entitled to special pricing), situated at Old Choa Chu Kang. This after the news broke that about 4,153 graves in the Bukit Brown Cemetery will be exhumed to build a new dual four-lane road passing through it. The Memorial plans to sell about 20,000 niches in about 10 years time targeting mainly Buddhists, Taoists and Confucianists.
Chinese funeral rites must be adhered to, so that the deceased will rest in peace and the living will be blessed by the deceased’s passing. Even on the last important occasion, Chinese funeral rites are symbolic acts of filial piety, the core teaching of Confucius, Menzi and other great Chinese philosophers.
The deceased automatically rises in rank. Rites must be observed to the last detail so that the spirit of the deceased can move on to the next stage of life peacefully and not become a homeless wanderer. As on auspicious occasions, aunts and grandaunts appear out of nowhere and give their words of wisdom that tend to divide and confuse the emotionally drained family members rather than ease their pain.
However, respect must also be given to the living. Thus, if the deceased’s parents are alive, and the deceased was living with them, the funeral wake will take place at a funeral parlour and not home. His parents will also not perform certain rites or mourn his death, although they may be physically at the wake.
Before the coffin is placed in the home compound, mirrors are removed so that mourners cannot see the coffin in its reflection and have a death in their own family. Deities are also covered in red paper. The Chinese are made of people groups of various dialects, each having its subtle differences in speech and symbolism. For some, a white cloth flag and a kerosene lamp are placed side by side to guide the spirit of the deceased along the path he usually took when alive and to indicate that a wake is nearby. For others, pure white cloth denoting purity is placed over the doorway and a gong is placed on either side depending on the sex of the deceased.
Wreaths and blankets line the path to the hall. Blankets were given in the past to keep mourners warm in the night vigil, to cover the dead and to form a tent for the funeral when the family is too poor to afford a coffin or a room to place the dead. Banners carry a picture of the phoenix if the deceased is a female or the dragon in the case of a male.
If the deceased died within the house, the coffin will be placed in the house; otherwise, it will be outside the house. This is to help the spirit of the dead person identify the place his last rites will be performed. It is also a subtle hint to attendees of the wake that they may glint juicy stories from an otherwise solemn or boring event.
Before the body is placed in the coffin, it is ceremonially cleansed, embalmed and dressed in a favorite piece of clothing but it cannot be the wedding suit, white or anything with the color red on it. It is taboo for family and friends to witness the body being placed in the coffin. Likewise when the coffin is being sealed or carried from a stationary position, those within view will turn away. A life size photograph and an altar table are placed at the foot of the coffin, the photograph to aid mourners identify the right wake and the altar table to hold an incense pot, white candles and food for the departed.
The body lies in state for an odd number of days the wealthier the family or the more descendants of the deceased, the longer the wake. Buddhists or Taoists will invite monks or nuns to chant prayers at regular intervals so as to guide the spirit towards heaven. During these prayers, the descendants of the deceased will kneel at the foot of the coffin or walk round the coffin as directed by the chief monk or nun. A minimum of one day is accorded to the wake so that family and friends can mourn and funeral arrangements can be completed.
Family members and close relatives in mourning do not wear jewelry and are in white, black, dark blue or blue attire, the more traditional having the sons and daughters in sack cloth and the others wearing a square piece of cloth on the sleeve as a sign of respect for the deceased and to indicate the relationship to the deceased.
The uninitiated often muse at mahjong players, the guardians of the corpse in ancient days tucked in an unobtrusive corner of the funeral parlor and think they are out to make a quick dollar out of the living. There are also wake attendees who laugh, joke and talk about anything except the dead and leave soon after a meal is served. Occasionally, the starving poor might also gate crash for a bite but none will be chased away in the hope that these acts of generosity will bring the dead closer to heaven.
In the name of well-being for the living, those paying their last respect to the deceased will receive a short length of red thread or a small coin wrapped dark red stained paper. They are to wind the thread round their finger and as they move off without turning around or saying goodbye, they are to inconspicuously dispose of the thread and not bring it home. However, the red coin packet is to be tucked and hidden in the bag or pocket and brought home. The money is to be spent the very next day.
There must be at least one family member by the side of the coffin. Family members are placed on a roster although some take their positions without complaint. Black cats are chased away as they are known in the Chinese world to cause the dead to arise. It is also the duty of those on sentry to ensure that joss sticks of incense are continuously lit at the foot of the deceased. Where electricity is absent, candles of white wax, not the auspicious red ones, are lit.
On the final night of the wake as well as the next day, the very traditional may bring in professional mourners. Some of these may well have played the role of the merry makers or coffin guardians at the mahjong tables. It is believed that the loud cries will help the dead to find their way to the nether world more quickly and appease the gods that those left behind are respectful of the dead. Prayers may be overnight as well as the wake itself.
At the funeral, final prayers are offered. For the wealthy, paper cars, houses, clothes and modern amenities are burnt together with stacks of paper money to ensure a comfortable after life. The coffin is usually carried to the hearse by male relatives or close friends after it is nailed shut. The hearse then moves slowly along a short distance, the last journey from home and on earth, while the mourners follow by foot in order of seniority right behind it.
The eldest son carries a photograph and the incense pot right behind the hearse and it symbolically makes the taking over as the head of the household once the deceased is laid to rest. On reaching the burial grounds on the crematorium, prayers are said for the last time and relatives move round the coffin to have a last look at their beloved. As the coffin is lowered into the ground, the hired mourners cry all the louder and the real mourners throw a handful of soil into the grave to symbolize closure to their relationship. The final act of mourning for the family members of cremated loved ones occurs a few hours later, whereby each family member will place a piece of the cooled bone into the urn and prayers are said as the urn is placed in the temple, urn house or the family ancestral hall at home. The incense pot which is used during the wake is placed at home to help the spirit identify the home.
After the funeral, mourning items are burned, the mourners bathe in water cleansed’ with the leaves of the pomelo fruit tree and chrysanthemum flowers and a meal is offered to all at the funeral. A white towel is offered as well to wipe away the bad connotations of being present at a funeral. Red packets are presented to helpers and the money in them are to be spent and not kept.
For people who hate to lose face, these rites are either performed from a sincere heart or enacted for the gains of the those the dead leave behind donations, known as baijin or white gold’, from attendees at the wake more than often cover funeral expenses as well as fatten the pocket of a dishonest guardian of the donations.
For the thoroughly traditional as a mark of respect and filial piety, mourning is extended for a few more weeks and even to a year during which family members abstain from joyous celebrations, wearing of jewelry and colorful clothes and hair-cutting. There are also prayers with food offerings, especially on designated days when the spirit of the departed will return home for a visit and all the family members will sleep in the same room.
The funeral rites do not stop after the burial or cremation. If cremation is performed, the eldest surviving son or spouse will be the first to place a bone into the urn, followed by other family members. The eldest surviving son or spouse also carries the urn to the columbaria niche and place it inside after prayers and incense are offered.
The spirit of the deceased is believed to return to his home seven days after his death. Food and prayers are offered and the living usually huddle together to await the return. Flour or powder may be strewn on the floor to catch the footprints of the deceased. Mourners usually wear the somber colors for seven, twenty-one or forty-nine days, and in more extreme families, up to five years, all to ensure that the spirit of the deceased suffer less in the after life and hopefully proceed to eternal rest.
Things to take note upon the death of a loved one
When your loved one passes on, there are a number of matters you will be attending to. A funeral in the style that your loved one wanted is an important event for the family to grieve over their loss.
After your loved one’s life comes to an end, you will need to obtain a Certificate of Cause of Death (CCOD) to register the death within 24 hours.
The CCOD will be issued by a doctor, either at the hospital, or a doctor who visits your home if death occurs at home.
Doctors can issue a CCOD if they know the cause of death, and the death is natural.
If the cause of death cannot be identified or unnatural deaths
Should this occur, the doctor will refer the matter to the police. Even if the death occurred in the hospital, it will also be referred to the police if death was directly or indirectly caused by unnatural events, eg surgical complications, a fall before admission, etc.
If the police is involved, the body will be sent to the Mortuary@HSA (Block 9, Singapore General Hospital). The next-of-kin will need to go to the mortuary to identify the body.
Documents to bring to the mortuary include:
1) Informant’s identification papers, eg NRIC/ Passport
2) Deceased’s identification papers, eg NRIC/ Passport/ Birth Certificate
3) All of the deceased’s medical documents and medicine taken
The coroner will review the case and determine if an autopsy is required. The next-of-kin will be informed of the coroner’s decision and when they may collect the body.
Registering the death
Death registration can be done at the following places:
Please note that you do not need to register the death separately if the body is referred to the Mortuary@HSA, as death will be registered at there.
Upon registration, you will be able to collect the Death Certificate.
Many people choose to place an obituary in the newspapers. This is a personal choice and it is up to you how you would like to place an obituary.
Funeral wakes are opportunities for family, friends and acquaintances to pay their respects to the deceased. You can choose to have the wake at your own home, or at the funeral parlour.
You could also hold the wake at the void deck.
You can book a date and time for cremation or burial at the relevant booking office, through the phone, or online. Your funeral director can also help you to make the booking.
You will need the following documents:
1) NRIC of the applicant and next-of-kin
2) Original Death Certificate (which contains the Permit to Bury/Cremate)
Every family has its own preferences for the ashes of the deceased. Perhaps your loved one has given you instructions about what to do with the ashes.
There are normally two options:
Funeral rituals have always been viewed as an important part of Chinese social life. The importance of funeral rituals rests on certain basic beliefs held by the Chinese. First, death does not signify the end of a person’s participation in the living, but it conceived as a process of transition.
The word Tao (or Dao) translates to “path” or “way”, and this way of life is derived from the philosopher LaoTze, and coexists among-st the Three Jewels of Tao ethics: Compassion, Moderation and Humility. Taoism had come into existence in 25 – 220 AD and has withstood 2000 years of changes along the modernization of societal practices in Chinese countries.
While Taoism advocates having a simple, patient and peaceful mind while letting events in life run their natural course, it is also important for Taoists to be around nature as much as possible. Humility is essential as moral characters are developed, Taoists must not boast about their achievements and good deeds with intention to flaunt.
When a death occurs within a Taoist family, it is not uncommon to see the funeral practices involving the 3 major China beliefs – Taoism, Confucianism and Buddhism, being performed altogether. Taoist funeral rites can also be conducted according to the dialect groups of the Chinese, either Cantonese, Hokkien, Teochew, Hainan, or Hakka.
Taoists do not fear the afterlife – death is not the end of the road, but is the continuation into another phase of the soul. It is with this reason, that Taoists strongly adhere to the extensive rituals as it allows the departed to be correctly guided onto his/her right paths into “Paradise”. When inaccurately performed, it is believed that soul of the deceased will be lost in the realms of neither the living nor the undead – left to wander in the unknown.
In the ancient times, the procession would normally be held for 7 to 10 days. The processions in recent times are held anywhere from 3 days to 5 days and 7 days being uncommon.
Immediately after death
The “head” (the oldest or the person financially supportive) of the family has to make the important decision of the location where the funeral would be held. The location would be drawn between placing the deceased in a Taoist funeral parlour, within the house’s premises or at the multi-purpose hall/viod deck of a HDB flat.
After a location is finalized, the family then informs friends and relatives of the passing and wake details. The deceased is then brought to the mortuary to be embalmed and cleansed. He/she will be dressed in her best clothes paired with makeup after the embalming and will be placed in the coffin (The deceased will not have anything red on them).
A red or white banner would be hung above the main door of the house signifying a passing. Statues of gods and deities within the vicinity are covered with red paper – this is to block the deities’ view from the sight of death. Mirrors are removed as the superstition behind it is that anyone who sees the coffin in its reflection would bring about a death in his/her family.
The altar and the coffin
There would be wreaths surrounding the altar where a portrait photograph of the deceased are placed in front of the coffin. There will be a opening through glass encasement within the coffin, where one would be able to catch one final glimpse at the deceased. Joss sticks and candles are placed around the altar for family and guests to offer their prayers and respect. Instead of vegetarian food – like in Buddhism practices, it is observed that food of all sorts (favourites of the deceased) are placed upon the altar to act as an offering as well.
Family do not wear gold or silver jewellery or red clothing. In more traditional times, it is mandatory for blood relatives and family members to wail and sob during mourning – so as to show respect and loyalty to the deceased; the louder it is, the more respect they would be paying. However, the mourning process is increasingly toned down with modernization.
The family would have to wear white shirts and black/dark blue pants. A piece of colored cloth would be pinned onto their sleeves to signify the relation with the deceased.
Taoist priests would be conducting intervals of scripture chanting and the family, lined according to their order of hierarchy and age, would follow in suit with the chanting. The chanting allows the path of the souls to be smoothed out, removing obstacles and torture for the sins they might have committed in their lives.
Friends and guests visiting to the funeral are required to light incense or a joss stick at the altar as a sign of respect to the deceased and family. Joss sticks and incense money are to be burnt continuously throughout the wake as it helps provide the deceased with sufficient money to spend. And also, if the family is well-to-do, you will see big houses or cars made out of paper in which they will be burning and offering to, to their deceased one, so to ensure their well being in the afterlife.
A bereavement donation box would be placed in the premises as donations are appreciated as a sign of respect to the parties and would help in lessening the funeral costs.
The nights of the funeral would be spent in “vigil” in protecting the deceased body, where family members stay awake throughout the nights. You will see people gambling, as this helps to keep the guests and attendees in a lighter mood and awake.
Guests normally attend the first few days of the wake. After their initial paying of respects, guests are gathered around the tables filled with tidbits and drinks. Guests may proceed to give their bereavement donations (白金 – White Gold) to the family members. They should also give words of encouragement and blessings to the family of the deceased during this period of visitation.
Last day of wake
The lid of the viewing panel on the coffin will be closed, with it sealed shut. On the last day of the wake, the deceased will have a final send-off. This is called the “Last Journey”. The corpse would either be sent to the columbarium for cremation, or to be buried in designated burial grounds. Performed ritualistically with the Taoists monks’ chants and instructions, the hearse brings the coffin to the final grounds where concerned family, relatives and friends are to see the deceased to his/her last path towards paradise.
After-which, everyone attending may have to be sprinkled with “flower water”, so as to cleanse themselves after the send-off.
DO’s
• Joss sticks might be offered to you (if not, you can get find them at the on the altar beside the candles), light them up and pay your final respects or words in silence while holding the joss sticks with 2 hands in front of the altar
• If you are unable to do the above, due to conflicts in religion, you may maintain silence politely
• Bereavement donations must be in cash and enclosed in white envelopes, presented to the family of the deceased
• Take a piece of red string from the tidbit tray on the guest tables, and tie it on your finger/hold it until you have left the premises. Dispose of it before entering your residences. This symbolizes a final farewell and ties that you have with the deceased
• Do give kind words of condolences to whoever is affected. A simple condolence (I am sorry for your loss) is sufficient as it can transcend culture barriers.
DON’Ts
• Do not wear red or any bright colored apparel. Sober tones is highly recommended
• Keep your volume to a minimum, control any temper so as to not disturb the dead
• Do not laugh or jest about the ceremonial proceedings, no matter how illogical it may seem
• Do not ask openly about the cause of death, if need be, engage in the conversation quietly
If you do not remember the guidance given, you may also check with the family of the deceased as they would have been well advised on the ceremony procedures and superstitions and would be more than willing to fill you in with the necessary. Alternatively, do feel free to contact me. I being an experienced funeral director would be happy to assist you in your difficult times.
Singapore Funeral Resources & Information 